Spilled Thoughts

I began my college career in 2021, declaring a biology major. Ultimately, I wanted to go to medical school. I wanted to help people, talk to people, and just be among people. Once I began taking classes related to my major, however, I quickly realized I couldn’t go to medical school. I feel lightheaded around IVs, I struggle with germs, and my hands have a natural shake to them.

So, at the recommendation of my grandmother, I switched from a biology major to an accounting major. It made sense. I’m good at math, unless calculus is involved; I’m organized, detail-oriented, and I have a tad bit of social anxiety. After all, a Customer Service Representative of an iconic paper company once said, “I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you’re not good at interacting with people.” I mean, if the shoe fits, I guess.

After my change in major, I began working for my grandmother’s bookkeeping firm. I worked there for almost four years, with my last day being in September; she retired. What I got from that job is that I don’t want to do data entry for the rest of my life, and, despite my social anxiety, I need a job that will allow me to interact with people.

Now, maybe it’s because I’ve been out of a job for almost two months, or I’m just not where I thought I’d be at this point in my life, but I feel lost. There have been other times when I’ve felt this way, but I actually do feel lost right now, like I have zero control over my life.

With an accounting degree, I would graduate next year in December. So, to not have to push my graduation date out, I switched my degree to business management. I’m definitely one to hide my emotions; however, during my academic advising appointment to switch my degree, I had a full breakdown. The meeting wrapped up with the advisor recommending self-help books for me to read…. I wish I were joking; however, I am not (😭). Here are the recommendations for those who might be interested:

While changing degrees has provided some relief, trying to find what I want to do with my life and where I belong are seemingly steep uphill climbs. I’m stuck between feeling stuck and wanting to leave the country and start over.

Last month, I was sure that, much to my mother’s dismay, I wanted to be a flight attendant. I mean, why not? The job revolves around interacting with people, and I would get to travel. Right now, I just want a change of scenery, maybe move to a different country.

Obviously, I don’t know what I want to do. Give things a week or two, and I’ll probably never want to leave the Midwestern United States. I’m trying to anchor myself with hobbies and things to do, which is where this blog comes in.

My future plans are up in the air, and I’m still trying to figure this whole adult thing out, but I do know that I want to document where things go. So, here I am. Blogging. Hopefully, I have more things figured out a year from now.